Nightmares
“Nightmare: a monster or evil spirit believed to oppress persons during sleep.” -www.dictionary.com
A nightmare…truly a monster? No..more like emotional stress that you happen to be encountering. But I liked this definition as it gave a perspective on my dream..on my nightmare, that plagued me as I slept today.
My dream: I was standing on the corner across the street from IHOP. James was on the other side. Furiously, he and I were texting back and forth, obscenities flowing from our fingertips freely. Then, I get one that says “Since you don’t love me anymore, I’m going to throw myself in front of the next truck that comes along.” I read this and glared at him from my side. “No you won’t.” I text back. I see him nod and prepare to hurl himself into to traffic. I turn my gaze to the right, just slightly. There I see a big blood red Ford coming down the road. I wave my arms frantically, trying to get the truck to stop. My efforts were lost upon blind eyes though..and the truck sped towards us. Just before it passed James…he jumped in front of the truck. Blood sprayed everywhere, covering me and the ground around me. The truck stopped in the intersection, and its driver got out. He had no blood on him. He walked over to where I stood, shaking in shock. He said something to me..but I didn’t hear it. I was looking at James’s mangled corpse, laying lifelessly in front of me. Tears streaked down my cheeks, leaving clear lines in the blood that covered my face… The worst part: Everyone thought I threw him in front of the truck.
I had this nightmare on and off from 7:40 am to 11:30 am…the time that I slept after coming home. What brought this on? The definition helps here. James is a demon in my past…my demon, nay..my monster. He haunts me still, the unrequitted love we shared…the pain I carried for him..all of it. All are shadows within my soul…and obviously they still plague me. But why did this surface now? Now when I am so happy…why should I have to deal with this? Why should I be so shaken by seeing someone that I no longer love dying? Especially when I know he would not throw himself into traffic just because I don’t love him anymore.
I have no explanation at this time. Maybe later…
~Svartana
