*sigh* “Hi my name is ______ and I’m addicted to love.”
Oh my…love still holds me captive. Much to the disgust of my friends I’m sure. I can almost guarantee that everytime I kiss Brown, hug him, or anything..Boss is rolling her eyes. Could it be perhaps she is jealous? Though..jealous of what? She has never expressed interest in Brown…or has she? I sense that there may be more secrets hidden here.
But now..life..in love with Brown..is so utterly amazing. But alas, my deepest fears creep into my head yet again. Like..what if I really don’t make him happy? What if…*bites lip* what if he still pines for Rainbow? I know that he is flirty, just as I am. But…today the nastiest feeling of jealousy crept into my heart. “Jealousy?” I thought to myself. “Jealousy of what? Brown stealing her glasses?” I pushed the errant thought from my mind, but it has yet again resurfaced. I hate this feeling. It makes me sick. Jealousy I should not feel. I know Brown has many female friends, all of whom hug him and such. But I am the one he is with. Its me that he says “I love you” to and means as more than a friend. I have to get over this jealousy thing. Its completely ridiculous. Glad I can admit that 
Go me.
I’ve been thinking about the future lately. And who mine may contain…or rather..who I hope it will contain. It may seem a bit early..but I keep having dreams..wonderful dreams. Dreams of…nevermind. I’ll keep these fantastic dreams to myself for a bit. But know..they all contain me and Brown…
But…would he feel the same? Does he feel the same? Ah..you have to love the drama that unwittingly comes with love.
Being addicted to love is like being addicted to heroin, just much healthier…at least its supposed to be healthier. But is it really? I mean…the emotional torment you send yourself into..is it much healthier than distressing your body with drugs? Torment…not the correct word. Love isn’t meant to torment you…test you yes…torment no. 
I wish I could tell him everything I think about him. How when he kisses me, I feel like I could fly…How when he smiles at me, the rest of the world fades away…I’ve never actually felt this way before. I’ve said I have..but no one else has been able to make electricity pulse through me with a casual brush of their hand. No one else could thrill me with such ease…and certainly no other has been able to make me catch my breath when I was around them. Could this be…real love? Not the love that you throw out there to appease your first boyfriend…I mean the love you feel when you’ve found your lifemate…or rather…your soulmate. The one you are meant to be with for life…wow. Could it be…No. I have to stop thinking on this..its much too…soon…
God…I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve never felt breatheless while simply thinking of someone…and here I sit…trying to catch my breath…What if…Could it be?
Time will tell.
~Svartana
